Scroll down to the bottom if you prefer a narrated version of this blog
Mindfulness practitioner Ondy Willson has delivered a few webinars for ACEVO members in the past few months. In this blog, she talks about why we should incorporate mindfulness into our everyday routine.
I was recently very privileged to offer mindfulness sessions to ACEVO members and was impressed and encouraged with the great response.
Mindfulness offers so many reliable tools for managing stress and anxiety as well as developing a way of being and thinking that is just plain good psychology. I guess that’s why it has become mainstream mind management.
The pandemic is causing us so much concern presently and has attracted a flurry of interest to those of us offering mindfulness training. Suddenly everything that was stable has been thrown up in the air and life has got scary. This means we need to reassess our lives and recognise that we have no control over external events, which has led us to the understanding that all we can control is how we think.
In my life, I look back over many years of teaching and practice and can honestly say that becoming aware of how I think, and being able to make changes to that landscape of rollercoaster mixed emotions and negative self-talk saved my life! “How do people manage without it?” is a phrase I use regularly.
So, having been asked to write this blog I’m more than happy to give an outline and offer anyone a chance to take a look inside themselves and find genuine and authentic solutions that will accompany you on your life’s journey.
Additional read: Being mindful through coronavirus
What’s going on inside my head?
We have about 40,000 – 70,000 thoughts day. That’s what neuroscientists say and who am I to argue? I’ve never counted them but I’m not surprised. Some of those thoughts are practical one, like things you need to do. A lot of them are confused and reflect self-doubt, worries about “what ifs” and either nostalgic visits into our past, usually to compare them unfavourably with our present or to obsess over difficult issues that still haunt us.
I’ve often thought that when you walk down the street if we could see what’s going on in people’s heads we’d be shocked! We certainly put on brave faces to deal with life. Perhaps that’s why image is so important – a kind of pretense about who we would like to be and wanting to outwardly show we’re ok .
We are not our thoughts
Now that’s a relief I think! Thoughts come and go. Some thoughts return, not necessarily the ones we’d like. Many pleasant thoughts are sheer escapism from monotony or depressive concerns, little fantasy islands that we visit for sheer internal entertainment. Mindfulness is concerned with reality in order to become aware of what we are thinking and feeling and manage that internal chaos in an objective friendly way. It’s less Benidorm and more Country Retreat.
When inside matches outside and we can truly be ourselves we’re truly authentic. Of course, we need a big dose of humour and honesty, but get rid of the word should from your vocabulary and just enjoy being you and understanding why you do think the way you do.
Meditation is key
Mindfulness meditation enables us to become familiar with our minds and develop objectivity. We’re just watching those thoughts come and go like they are on a conveyor belt. We don’t have to pick them up. We don’t have to carry them. Start to see what’s going on and learn some skills to stabilize our minds, calm us down, be realistic, manage fear, a sense of failure, whatever life throws at us. With more familiarity with the content of our minds, we can then turn our attention to being mindful in our lives. Meditation needs practice. It’s simple, but it’s not easy.
Mindful living
Here’s an example: you’ve meditated a bit and you’re starting to get the hang of it. During your daily life, you start to become aware of how you react to confrontation. It might be just little things, but really, you do seem to get pissed off a lot! Other people can be so annoying! Also, there’s a lot of comparisons which weakens us. Other people get it right and somehow you just don’t! So applying mindfulness in our lives enables us to watch those thoughts and reactions and start to change them. We can conquer anger, panic, greed (food is a great soother).
Unfortunately, trying to change others doesn’t work. Believe me I’ve tried! But we can change ourselves and change how we deal with others. After all, if we know our minds and why we think the way we do, we can start to understand others more. We all live conditioned existence after all.
So, what do I do?
- Practice meditation. There’s plenty of recorded meditations around. Check my profile on Soundcloud, or go to my Insight Timer where you’ll find introductory ones and more to try out.
- Find your biggest negative thought patterns and start applying antedotes. Antedotes are emotions that oppose the ones that are negative and mean, often due to low self-esteem. Jealousy is a good example. Instead of being disturbed because someone else is praised, or finds good fortune, be happy for them. It takes practice. I found jealousy to be my biggest problem when I started practising and I had to be nice through gritted teeth, but eventually, I realised that I just wasn’t so jealous anymore and it made me feel better.
Feeling happy for others, or feeling empathy and compassion really does feel good. Thought patterns and associated feelings are just habits and we become familiar with them, so they become our go to comfort zone. It also raises our self-esteem and we develop more confidence. People like us more too… that’s because we’re becoming very nice people!
- Bring the awareness you practise in meditation to awareness of what’s going on around you. Less reactions, more carefully considered responses to get the best out of yourself and others. It’s self-development of the most useful kind. Why everyone isn’t taught these skills from the moment they can walk I do not know.
- Learn to breathe deeply, and bring awareness to your own body. If you’ve got clenched fists, or tension in your shoulders, BREATHE in and out deeply and slowly.
- Make meditation a habit. Find your chair, and time of day that suits you. Try it for 5 minutes a day and then increase. 20 minutes is great. Regularly rather than once a week, although that’s better than nothing. Get up before you get bored. Posture is important so check that it’s right. You’re aiming to be comfortable, alert and unmoving.
Mindfulness is a lifestyle choice. It’s liberating. It’s free and it’s effective. Enjoy!
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